Never Forgive
by TheLestrangeMistress
Summary: He knew that it was his fault that Adams was dead and he would never forgive himself for it.


**A/N: This is for assignment 8 at Hogwarts.** **Muggle History: The American Revolution, Task 1 - Alexander Hamilton: Write about making a serious mistake. It's also for the Going, Going, Gone! Challenge for the prompt emotion: overwhelmed, the Insane house challenge for the prompt Job: Auror, and it's 1057 words.**

"Do you have any idea what you've done? Wright snarled.

Ron didn't respond and just kept looking at his shoes. The overwhelming sense of guilt kept him from looking in his superiors eye.

"If you had checked the information like I asked you to, Adams wouldn't be lying in a magical coma, and the Lestranges would have been dead or in custody, so why didn't you?" he asked.

"There's no excuse. I should have done it and I didn't," Ron replied resigned.

"Yes, you should have. I am suspending you for three weeks. During those three weeks I want you to think seriously if this is the right career for you. You have good instincts in the field, but your paperwork is lousy at best. Another mistake like this could lead to dismissal." Wright informed him.

"Yes, sir," he said before walking out of the office.

Ron could hear the whispers and feel the stares that followed him.

He knew that it was his fault that Adams was dead and he would never forgive himself for it.

 _Maybe it's a sign,_ he thought.

When Ron got home he showered and went straight to bed. The emotions he was feeling were overwhelming and he didn't want to have to deal with them right now. He just couldn't deal with what had happened, and he couldn't face Harry or Hermione when they came to see him.

When he woke up the next day it was to the sound of pots and pans moving around his kitchen and he knew that at least one of his friends was there.

 _I suppose I better go and face them,_ he thought.

Logically Ron knew that he couldn't avoid them forever, but he really didn't want to see the disappointment on their faces.

"I was hoping you'd get up if you heard me making breakfast," Harry said as he walked into the kitchen.

"Thank you."

"How are you holding up?" Harry asked looking at him intently.

"Absolutely shit. I feel terrible, Harry. I can't put into words how….how bad I feel. I know it's my fault. I know I should have checked over everything. But I didn't and now...and now someone has died because of me," Ron replied feeling a tightness in his chest when he admitted it out loud.

"It's Lestrange's fault not yours. You didn't point your wand at him and say the killing curse."

"I may as well have."

"And now you sound like Sirius. He always blamed himself for my parents death even though there was nothing he could have done about it. Did you know that I blamed myself for his death?" Harry asked.

"Of course I knew. Hermione and I had a job trying to convince you that it wasn't," Ron said quietly.

Those few weeks after Sirius died when he and Hermione had tried to convince Harry that it wasn't his fault were really tough. Ron understood why he blamed himself, but knew that Sirius would have done anything to protect Harry and that was the reason he was at the Department of Mysteries.

"You should have checked over the status report, but what was stopping someone else from doing it? Just because it was assigned to you doesn't mean they couldn't have checked themselves. Mistakes happen, Ron, and sometimes nothing happens and sometimes it does. You just happened to get the shitty end of it," Harry said trying to make him feel better.

"All I can think about is his wife and kids, Harry. How he will never see them off on the Hogwarts express, or never go to one of their quidditch matches; all the stuff he would have done with them if I had just done my damned job," Ron confessed as tears started to pour from his eyes.

The overwhelming sense of grief came out of nowhere and hit him like a ton of bricks. He hadn't allowed himself to cry so far, but Ron couldn't help himself when he thought of Adams children growing up without him. It reminded too much of the war.

"It's okay," Harry said as he pulled Ron into a hug.

The two friends stayed like that until the sobs disappeared.

"I'm sorry, Harry. I don't know what came over me."

"Don't be sorry. It's good in a way that you're this upset. It means that you care, Ron. If I can salvage this meal we'll be eating eggs on toast with crispy bacon," Harry told him.

The next few weeks went by in a blur. He had been informed by Harry that Mrs Adams didn't want him at her husband's funeral. It had taken a few days to calm him down as the one thing he had wanted to do was apologise and offer them any support he could. He chose instead to send a letter and hoped that she read it and saw the sincerity in his words. At the end of the three weeks Ron found himself sat in Wright's office.

"I would like to hand in my resignation, sir. It's not because I don't think I'm capable of being an Auror. I know I can do it, but I can never go through something like this again," he confessed.

"What do you mean?" Wright asked.

"It doesn't matter how many times I check the paperwork, or do everything right there is still a chance that things could go wrong and if another person died, or was seriously hurt because of something I did then I wouldn't be able to handle it. I just can't get past the fact that it was my fault he died and I don't ever want that one my conscience again," Ron replied.

"Thank you for being honest. Your resignation with be effective immediately. Please give me your badge and take any personal items with you when you leave. I'm sorry to see you go Weasley, but good luck in whatever you do next."

That afternoon he sat under the old oak tree at the Burrow and felt relieved that he would be able to live his life knowing he wouldn't be responsible for somebody else's. He had no idea how Healers managed to do it, and truthfully he didn't want to know, but Ron did know one thing; they were stronger than he would ever be.


End file.
